Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets […]
Category: One-Liners
Accounting Jokes
A fool and his money are soon audited. How does an accountant make a bold fashion statement?He wears his grey suit instead of the blue one. If an accountant’s spouse can’t get to sleep, what do they say?“Tell me about work today, dear.” What did the accountant do to liven up the office party?He didn’t […]
Things My Mother Taught Me
My mother taught me how to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.” My mother taught me RELIGION.“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.” My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into […]
Worthwhile Insults
A brain like a BB in a boxcar. A couplet short of a sonnet. A day late and a dollar short. A few beers short of a six-pack. A few bricks short of a wall. A few clowns short of a circus. A few escape pods short of an evacuation. A few feathers short of […]
Sniglets
A sniglet is a word that should be in the dictionary but isn’t. The term came from comedian Rich Hall in the mid-1980s, who wrote a series of sniglet books with his friends’ help. However, they’re much older than that, and have been around since people made funny words to define stuff without an “official” […]
Auto Acronyms
ACURA All Cars Usually Require Adjustment Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile Automobile Causes Unusual Road Accidents Awful, Crappy, Unreliable, Rusty Auto AMC A Major Cost All Makes Combined Another Major Catastrophe AUDI Another Ugly Deutsche Invention BEETLE Battered Everywhere, Expect To Lose Engine By Everyone’s Experience, They Last Eternally BMW Bastard Money Wielders Behold My […]
Being and Doing
“To do is to be.” – Nietzsche “To be is to do.” – Kant “Do be do be do.” – Sinatra […]