ACURA
All Cars Usually Require Adjustment
Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile
Automobile Causes Unusual Road Accidents
Awful, Crappy, Unreliable, Rusty Auto
AMC
A Major Cost
All Makes Combined
Another Major Catastrophe
AUDI
Another Ugly Deutsche Invention
BEETLE
Battered Everywhere, Expect To Lose Engine
By Everyone’s Experience, They Last Eternally
BMW
Bastard Money Wielders
Behold My Wealth
Big Money Waster
Born Moderately Wealthy
Break My Windows
Brings Me Women
Broke My Wallet
BUICK
Big Ugly Indestructible Compact Killer
Built Under Inspection of Crazy Korean
CADILLAC
Crazy And Demented Idiots Like Large American Cars
CAPRI
Can Any Person Repair It
CHEVROLET
Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips
Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques
Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
CHRYSLER
Causes Healthy Rich Yuppies Serious Loans, Even Repossession
Could Have Remained Your Sickly Lame Elderly Relative’s
DODGE
Dead On Day Guarantee Expires
FIAT
Failed In A Tunnel
Failure In Automotive Technology
Foolish Italians Attempt Transportation
FORD
Fails On Rainy Days
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
First On Recall Day
Fixed Or Repaired Daily
Flip Over, Read Directions
Forced On Reluctant Drivers
Fork Over Repair Dough
Found On Redneck’s Driveway
Fried On Race Day
GM
General Maintenance
Gleans Money
GMC
Generic Made Chevy
GTO
Get Tools Out
HONDA
Had One, Never Did Again
Hang On, Not Done Accelerating
IROC
I Run Over Children
JEEP
Just Eats Every Part
Just Enough Engine Power
KIA
Killed in Action
LOTUS
Lots of Trouble, Usually Serious
MERCEDES
Most Eccentric Rich Capitalists Enjoy Driving Expensive Sedans
MERCURY
Makes Everyone Really Crave Underpowered, Recalled Yugo
Mileage Eventually Ruins Car – Usually Ruins You
MOPAR
Many Odd Parts Arranged Randomly
Move Over, People Are Racing
NAPA
Never Any Parts Available
NISSAN
Nasty Import Sucks Savings Away to Nippon
Needs Imminent Salvage So Abandon Now
Never In Sync, Screeching Awful Noises
OLDSMOBILE
Old Ladies Driving Slow, Making Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday
Old Loose Dented Sheet Metal Outdated By Infamies Like Edsel
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick’s Irregular Leftover Equipment
PINTO
Paid Inspector Nicely To Overlook
Powerful Incendiary, Neatly Toasts Occupants
Put In New Transmission Often
Put In Nickel To Operate
PLYMOUTH
Please Leave Your Money Out Under The Hood
PONTIAC
People On Narcotics Think It’s A Cadillac
Plenty Of Noises That Irritate And Clank
Puts Out Noxious Toxins In All Cities
PORSCHE
Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything
SATURN
Sounds Absolutely Terrible, Unbelievable Rattling Noises
TOYOTA
Too Often Yankees Overprice The Automobile
The One You Ought To Avoid
VOLKSWAGEN
Very Obsolete, Losers Knowingly Suffer With All-German Engineered Nonsense
Very Old Lineage Kills Space Wasting, Also Gay Engine Noise
VOLVO
Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
Very Old Ladies’ Vehicle Only
VW
Very Wimpy
Virtually Worthless