Quick one-line quips for those times when you have to fill in that 4.3 seconds of awkward silence. Because someone did something very awkward. That you know they shouldn’t have done. At least publicly.
Awkward, unbearable silence.
Yeeeeaaahhh.
One day, a man goes to his priest.He rapidly starts into his confession, “Father, I’ve committed all seven deadly sins in 30 minutes.”The priest remarked, “Wow, I definitely need to hear this!”He continued, “I was angry and envious of my neighbor, so I lazily seduced his wife, then ate all his groceries and didn’t share.”“You […]
What did the accountant do to liven up the office party?He didn’t show up. What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet?Lost. What do you get when you cross a wild, ferocious, man-eating tiger with an accountant?A very dull tiger. What happens when you lock a wild hyena in a room with an accountant?The […]
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets […]
A brain like a BB in a boxcar. A couplet short of a sonnet. A day late and a dollar short. A few beers short of a six-pack. A few bricks short of a wall. A few clowns short of a circus. A few escape pods short of an evacuation. A few feathers short of […]