Be Prepared

The internet has many funny things. However, experiencing funny things on the internet can be a closed system.

Here’s a thought experiment. Please explain the following to a friend near you, but without using a computer:

Now, if you still have that friend, and that friend is not a fan of Star Trek, try explaining this one to them:

Now that you’ve lost a friend, I’ll explain why.

PHOTOS ARE HARD TO USE WITH WORDS!

Some dead people once said a picture is worth a thousand words. However, I can tell you from hard-earned experience that the exchange rate has only increased that ratio.

From the moment our ancient ancestors started ramming punch cards into vacuum tube boxes, a picture is now worth at least 10,129.59 words to achieve the same results.

As an introvert reader who has had the patience to read up to this point, this doesn’t bode well for you.

This website is for this very real disease of Modern Entertainment-only Humor. MEH infects the meatspace through the humerus, and is no laughing matter.

For the sake of sustainability, relevance, and synergistic actualization, this site leans away from several things:

  1. Pictures you can’t say to people – It might be the Michelangelo of jokes, but do you know any books Michelangelo wrote? That’s what I thought.
  2. Absurdly contextual stuff – Try explaining a Walking Dead joke to someone who hasn’t seen the show, then try to look cool after that.
  3. Trendy things – remember those hilarious Kardashian jokes or O.J. Simpson jokes? Yeah, nobody else does either.
  4. Vulgar humor – Low-brow, violent, and innuendo are easy, but also easily offend. It’s good to sometimes make and keep friends, right? No swearing or Aristocrats jokes here, even if they’re legitimately funny.
  5. Shaggy dog stories – One time I had a pet parrot named Larynx I got from my dead sister-in-law’s cousin. Despite his odd name, he told the time accurately. This was fine, but most of my wife’s family except Tim has ADD, so the bird was trained to squawk out each minute along with each hour. It was torture. One day, my best friend’s hunting dog named Throat was with my best friend Mike, visiting for a cup of tea after a long day at the swimming pool. Unfortunately, true to form, the bird squawked out “It’s five-thirty eight!” In a flash, Throat was on Larynx and she killed him instantly. However, I wasn’t mad at Mike. I told him, “Geez, thank you! That was torture! I’ve been waiting forever for the end to come!”
  6. Unfunny jokes – Some people say humor is all relative. I’d say you’re relatively likely the punchline to someone else’s joke. Some jokes are just…bad.

I’m also totally including some stuff, no matter how offended your pretty little sensibilities get:

  1. Jokes at others’ expense – humor needs pain, and that often involves dumb people. If you’re that offended, swap out your blondes for Polish, your Democrats for Republicans, and your Chinese for omnivores.
  2. Dated jokes that still work – you can find/replace most humor: one day it’s the Japs, the next it’s the commies, someday it will be the Robot Overlords.

The Index Of Everything Here

You can look based on the target audience you plan to be around:

accountants car people church people internet junkies law people movie buffs people you don't like

Or, browser them by how complex the joke has to be:

You can also just browse them all here.

Keep this as a reference to be the life of the party everywhere:

  1. Social gatherings with beer!
  2. Social gatherings without beer!
  3. Bar Mitzvahs!
  4. Corporate board meetings!
  5. Going away parties!
  6. Funerals!